oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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