I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
