you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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