xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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