My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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