Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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