WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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