Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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