Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
