just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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