sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
