I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
