Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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