so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
