remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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