look no pants
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
