the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
In America we eat man semen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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