It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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