i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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