Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
