I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
