he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
