just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
