Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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