Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
