She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
