I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
