it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Randomize
