ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
