I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
