And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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