another moral hangover. fuck.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
