you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
