where does the pee come out of this thing
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
