I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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