the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
