When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
