he wants to bone in the snuggie
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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