i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
