It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
