you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
