I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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