..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
