Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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