Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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