She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
