**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Couch. On fire.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
