sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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