he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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