I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
