Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
