Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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