Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
